Earlier this year I was given an official diagnosis of A D D.
I suppose it should come as no shock to me, yet it did.
I mean, I have always been easily distracted, unfocused and flippant throughout my life.
I AM CLASSIC- TEXTBOOK- SQUIRREL – ADD QUEEN!!
I’d find a project, get amped up, start it, then eventually get discouraged, distracted or battle fear of failure (as well as fear of success) and enevitably QUIT. Later, I would go on to something else and sadly repeat the pattern over and over and over again….
The consequence of this is me struggling my entire life with depression, low self-esteem, frustration and anxiety.
I have tried so hard to “figure out” what I was SUPPOSED to do with my life all the while ignoring what I loved to do.
I looked to people to define me, approve me and sustain me.
That never works by the way.
I have always loved to write, but fear kept me from really stepping out of my comfort zone. I would dabble with one toe in but was never able to commit to jumping off the pier into the ocean. I never believed I was good enough… just being…. me. Again…
F E A R of rejection.
So, I decided I needed to be like some of the more successful writers. I read their books, blogs, magazine articles and podcasts.
Then I tried to mimic them. Something inside of me died. I got discouraged because it never turned out right. Something was off.
I was forgetting to be… me. I was hiding behind insecurity. I was burying my gifts and talents. I was regurgitating someone else’s efforts.
I had what I call the George Mc Fly syndrome.
“What if I try really hard and they don’t like it, what if they say it’s no good. I just don’t think I could handle that kind of rejection!”
Now on top of everything else… I was…
I had ADD!
My doctor, whom I love and trust, knew I was starting to mentally to shut down.
She spoke up.
“It’s ok!” she said.
“Do you REALLY think I have A D D?”
Laughing a little, she sighed “absolutely.”
It was times like this, the uncomfortable ones, that I would rather hide, curl up with my journal or a good book instead of facing something that made me uneasy.
In fact, my journal was exactly what I wanted at that very moment. I didn’t want to necessarily make an entry… more of the fact it was, and is, my security blanket. In my journal, I can be me — no boundaries, no judgments, no perceptions to try and live up to.
Then softly she offered these words to me:
“Some people see ADD/ ADHD as a curse, but really it is a gift.”
I looked up at her with a raised curious eyebrow but said nothing.
She continued, “This was God’s way of giving us a creative license to think outside of the box. To look beyond the box, analyze it, see a solution, a storyline, an inspiraton, a mansion — anything but JUST a box.
We are the Creatives in the Kingdom. We NEED the ADD. It helps us dream deeper, love more, reach further and impact greater — only in ways that to the rest of the world may seem weird or strange.
So, instead of being discouraged for being labeled as different, I now embrace it, treasuring the gift God has entrusted me with.
I now look at my desires, my giftings and my talents and see them as the puzzle pieces that complete who I was meant to be all along.
Yes, to some we may be wired different, think different, talk different, dream different, write different, draw different, sing different etc…but that is because we ARE DIFFERENT… and I could not imagine wanting to be any other way.
Besides, wouldn’t the world be a better place with more tattooed mermaids?!
I think so too!!
Let’s dive into our oceans and make a splash that can be felt around the world!
It’s okay…stand up, stand out and be the YOU that GOD created YOU to BE!!
Until next time,
See ya on the Random Side,
Aj Luck is an author, blogger, bookworm, wife and mommy. She loves to write children’s books, spiritual thrillers and inspirational books. She also has a dedicated blog geared to encouraging and helping women who have suffered / struggle with abuse. www.shatteredperspectives.com
In her spare time she can be found nursing cold Diet Cokes and searching for awesome bargains in nearby thrift stores. She resides in Florida with her hubby, son, 2 dogs and the biggest diva of a siamese cat ever. You can email her at firstname.lastname@example.org, follow her on Twitter @ajluck, and visit her Randomness of Luck blog at www.randomnessofluck.com